我的老爸，是目前我见过的最虚伪且无知的人，之一。其他，还有一些众多他所谓的朋友。他以为自己是个人物，尤其当与他小时候、年轻时候，做对比。外人面前有的是面子，与他最亲、最接近的人，才知道他是怎样的一个“嘴脸”；即便是他的父母，我的爷爷、奶奶，也看不清现在他真实的面目。
他对外打肿脸、充胖子，朋友让他做什么，他做什么，优先考虑朋友的需求。因此，他有很多很多的朋友，他自认为的朋友。把朋友当成自己的家人，朋友怎会不多。他的那些“朋友”，我可一个都不想接触。外人会觉得他勤奋、善良、踏实，接触久一点，会觉得他人品、性格、为人处世也不错；他其实有暴力倾向，年轻的时候打我妈，他虽然没读多少书，但从我小，就会言语羞辱家里人。就像他小的时候、年轻的时候被别人羞辱，他把羞辱他的那些人的话捡来，用来羞辱他的家人。
我妈说她是我爸的出气筒。我十分同情我年轻时候的妈……到现在，我也同情我自己。
我爸从小就知道金钱的作用：他学车：送礼、过钱给教练。我初中毕业：他请班级的老师们吃饭、喝酒，可老师们对我的成绩帮助根本不大，还劝我报低了市里的高中学校一级。他认为我考了好学校，大都是老师们的功劳。我读高中：他请班主任吃饭；他“攀”到我奶奶辈的亲戚——学校初中部的老师，让ta多照顾我，ta怎么照顾我呢，邀请或允许我周末双休到ta家里蹭饭。
这里我要感谢亲戚ta对我的帮助，虽然后来起了反向作用。只怪当时我自己，没觉得“不太那么需要”。
我爸，对我或许金钱上的帮助最大。他也肯定那样以为……没钱你能继续读书么？家（外）公还在的时候，他曾对我说起，没人让我继续读书，他会想办法，供我上大学；想起当时的场景，眼泪就止不住流。
在我爸眼里，或许我是个“智障儿”。需要靠关系才能继续读书，靠关系才能找到工作。他以为我和他一样。关系是他的“王道”，不是我的。有时，他那龇牙咧嘴骂家里人的德行，对应，外面谄媚朋友们的笑脸，有种让我打他的冲动。但我是不会打他的，顶多言语上冲突几句。
他也不是我描述的这样，他有很多的朋友，在外，他有一个好的名声。就像他认为的那样，他给钱我读了书，读了大学，所以现在，我才有言语“羞辱”他的机会。
我和他不一样。我不是他，我也不会成为他。我走我自己的路。我是我，我也只想是我。我感谢他带给我的一切，致我愈渐衰老的爸爸。
My dad is one of the most hypocritical and ignorant people I have ever seen. The others are some of his so-called friends. He thinks he is a somebody, especially when compared to his childhood and youth. He has a lot of face in front of outsiders, and only the people who are closest and most intimate with him know what kind of “face” he has; even his parents, my grandparents, can’t see his true face now.
He swells his face to look fat in front of others, and does whatever his friends ask him to do, prioritizing his friends’ needs. Therefore, he has a lot of friends, friends he thinks of as his own. He treats his friends as his family, and how could he not have many friends. His “friends”, I don’t want to contact any of them. Outsiders would think he is diligent, kind, and down-to-earth, and if they contact him for a long time, they would think his character, personality, and way of dealing with people are not bad; he actually has a tendency to violence, he beat my mom when he was young, he didn’t read much, but since I was young, he would verbally humiliate his family. Just like when he was young, he was humiliated by others, he picked up the words of those who humiliated him and used them to humiliate his family.
My mom said she was my dad’s punching bag. I feel very sorry for my mom when she was young… Until now, I also feel sorry for myself.
My dad knew the role of money from an early age: he learned to drive: gave gifts and money to the coach. I graduated from junior high school: he invited the teachers in my class to eat and drink, but the teachers didn’t help much with my grades, and even advised me to apply for a lower-level high school in the city. He thought I got into a good school mostly because of the teachers’ credit. I went to high school: he invited the head teacher to eat; he “climbed” to my grandmother’s relatives – a teacher in the junior high school department of the school, and asked them to take care of me more. How did they take care of me? They invited or allowed me to go to their house for free meals on weekends.
Here I want to thank my relatives for their help, although it later had a reverse effect. I only blame myself at that time for not feeling “not so necessary”.
My dad may have helped me the most financially. He must have thought so… Could you continue studying without money? When my grandfather (outside) was still alive, he once told me that if no one let me continue studying, he would find a way to send me to college; thinking of the scene at that time, tears couldn’t stop flowing.
In my dad’s eyes, maybe I’m a “retarded child”. I need connections to continue studying, connections to find a job. He thinks I’m like him. Connections are his “kingdom”, not mine. Sometimes, his teeth-gritting scolding of his family’s morals, corresponding to his flattering smile to his friends outside, makes me want to hit him. But I won’t hit him, at most I’ll clash with him verbally.
He’s not like I describe him either. He has a lot of friends outside, and he has a good reputation. Just like he thinks, he gave me money to study, to go to college, so now I have the opportunity to “humiliate” him with words.
I’m not like him. I’m not him, and I won’t become him. I walk my own path. I am me, and I only want to be me. I thank him for everything he has given me, to my increasingly aging dad.